There's something oddly satisfying about turning off the 'what I'm listening to' on MSN and listening to hours of Fallout Boy and Panic! at the disco, and singing to every word with your cat looking at you as if you've gone crazy.
Today, out of boredom and desperation of wanting something to do now there is a lack of boyfriend on my sofa and no monotonous college to attend, i decided it would be a good idea to start a blog. So here it is. And i will be highly surprised if i carry this on for more than 2 or 3 posts. Its like when i was little and started diary's that i got for Christmas, I'd write in it for about a week and then loose it, until i became desperate to let my feelings out in some other form than throwing fragile things at concrete walls.
I do wish my problems that i needed to write in said diary's where with me now, in place of the current ones. "I'm grounded for a week and 'insert boy here' doesn't fancy me" are far less mentally straining than worrying about failed exam results, the prospect of a 3rd year in an institution which i hate with all my friends but two going to all corners of the country to enjoy life at university, being one and a half stone overweight and being around £600 in debt at the age of 18.
Due to these money problems i may as well be grounded, i have no money to get out of this dead end town for even a day. At least my boy problems have improved since i was a 13 year old round ginger kid. (I decided one day it would be a good idea to dye my hair 'copper fizz', everyone else at school thought it was a hillarious idea). I do have a very lovely boyfriend whom i love a lot, and luckily he can take my anger problems and forget about them once the storm has passed.
Speaking of storms, my childhood fear of lightening has unfortunately remained, hense the listening to upbeat pop punk as loud as the shitty dell speakers which came with my shitty dell 'i have no ram' computer will go in order to drown out the noise of thunder and lightening threatening to blow up my house, set fire to the river and kill everyone in the north lincolnshire area. I should be over this by now, i know that it doesnt happen in real life and i DID drive through a really bad storm in my driving lesson yesterday and come out alive, without crashing. All i can say about that is Steve from cats eyes driving school is bloody fucking patiant.
I wish i could go back in time, and remain at the age of 15/16. Everything was easyer. I was 'cooler'. I was reminded about 15 minutes ago about an afternoon in the woods with my boyfriend a month or so back, sex in public places... it used to seem so normal to be back years ago, boring even. I had dreams of how i was going to be when i was the age i am now, i was feisty, and extrovert and not afraid of breaking the rules. And now i appear to have grown up and i actually don't like it. I want to have to kiss boys from small village bands so they will buy me and my friends a bottle of vodka, and i want to be content with standing in appleby villege hall car park singing my chemical romance songs at the top of my lungs with a friend who i barely speak to anymore. Everything was better. An adventure.
Why do 'grown ups' stop being adventurous?
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